Thursday, July 29, 2010

Para Kay Nena

by baliw-na-payaso

Muling nilukob ng pagkalugmok ang aking damdamin
Kay hirap tanggapin na pati ika'y halos wala na sa'kin
Ako'y nagdurusa sa bawat pagmulat ng mga mata
Ang totoo, ayaw ko na atang mabuhay pa

Linggo noon, araw ng pamilya, dapat masaya
Nagbiro ang tadhana, ito'y naging trahedya
Ang ating anak, sa sentido'y tinagusan ng bala
Kapalit raw ito ng puspusan nyang pakikibaka

At tila di pa ata nakuntento ang langit
Kinabukasa'y si bunso'y kanilang ipiniit
"O mahabaging bathala, saan ba kami nagkasala?"
Yan na lamang ang nasambit, wala na akong magawa

Hanggang may dumating na balita sa aming pintuan
Si bunso, walang awa raw nilang pinugutan
Hindi matanggap ng puso ko ang mga naganap
Ganito ba talaga ang kapalaran ng mga mahihirap?

Kami'y simpleng magsasaka lamang
Na ipinaglalaban ang aming karapatan
Ngunit imbes na tupdin ang nakasaad sa batas
Kami'y unti unti nilang inuutas!

Ang aking asawa, palagi ng tulala't wala sa sarili
Araw gabi'y naririnig ko ang kanyang mga hikbi
Hindi ko na sya makausap, ayaw rin nyang kumain
Ako'y umaasa na lamang sa panalangin

Sadyang kay hirap lang talagang intindihin
Wala pang isang linggo'y nawala ang mga mahal natin
Pero giliw parang hindi ko kakayanin
Kung pati ika'y mawawala rin sa'kin

Aking mahal, sana sabay natin harapin ang bukas
Subukan natin magsimula, hindi pa naman ito ang wakas
Huwag tayong pumayag na mawalan ng saysay
Ang mga bagay na pinagbuwisan nila ng buhay

Parehas tayong nawalan, parehas tayong nasaktan
Sa kabila nito, hawak kamay nating itutuloy ang laban
Hangga't hindi tuwid ang baluktot at hindi malinaw ang malabo
Wag tayong titigil, wag tayong susuko

Kaya Mo Ba?

Kaya Mo Ba?
-Kiden

Psst, Kaya mo bang gawin;
Ang Pilipinas ay ibigin?
Itapon ang walang laman na salita,
Patunayan gamit ang tunay na gawa.

Kaya mo bang sagutin,
"Ano ang Pilipino?" kung ika'y tanungin?
Isang sagot na sakto sa punto;
Malinaw na nagsasabing AKO AY PILIPINO

Kaya mo nga bang damhin,
Mga paghihirap na kinayang danasin
Ng ating mga bayani para sa Pilipinas,
Maabot lamang kalayaang wagas.

Kaya mo bang intindihin?
Ang mensahe ng Nasyonalismo na pulit-ulit lamang;
Na kung sana'y ating bubusisiin,
Tayo'y magkaroon ng pagkatuto man lang.

Kaya mo ba?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Dasal sa Usok

ni Patalipat

Ilang butil na ng luha ang lumabas sa mapupulang mata ng isang babaeng nakaupo sa gilid ng simbahang ito. Mula rito, dinig na dinig ko ang iyak na kanyang pinipigilan. Muli kong pinagmasdan ang kanyang mukha nang siya ay tumingala. Bakas sa kanyang mga mata ang lungkot . Ang kanyang mga kilay ay nakakunot. Huminga siya nang malalim at ipinikit ang mga mata, bumukas ang kanyang mga labi at tila may ibinulong na hindi ko mawari. Isang minuto ang nakalipas at ang kanyang problemadong mukha ay unti-unting nagiging mapayapa at taimtim. Ang kusot sa sakanyang noo ay pansamantalang nawala ng ilang sandali. Napabuntong-hinga ang babae at sa aking gulat, sunud-sunod na luha tumulo sa kanyang namamagang talukap. Taimtim niyang itinago ang kanyang mga hinagpis sa pagyuko.

Napabaling ang aking tingin sa paligid ng simbahan. Wala pa si Padre kaya ang mga tao ay tahimik na nananalangin. Ilang mga mukha ay pamilyar na sa akin. Matagal na rin akong nagmamasid-masid sa mga pumapasok sa simbahang ito ngunit ang babaeng ito ang nakakuha ng aking atensyon at interes. Halos araw-araw siyang pabalik-balik, umuupo sa iisang pwesto, malungkot, umiiyak at bumubulong. Matagal ko nang nais na marinig ang kanyang problema, ang rason na kanyang ikinalulungkot. Nais ko siyang marinig at tulungan ngunit hindi ko alam kung paano. Sa ilang araw, linggo at buwan niyang pabalik-balik dito, hindi niya man lang inisip na lapitan ako.

Nilisan na rin ng ilan sa aking mga kasamahan ang simabahang ito. Lahat sila ay nilapitan na at nabulungan ng mga dasal. Matagal ko na ring inaasam na mangyari iyon sa akin. Madalas kong iniisip kung sino ang taong bibili sa akin at kung ano ang magiging silbi ko. Narinig ko sa aking mga kaibigan na ang iba nilang kaanak ay nagamit sa masasayang pagtitipon tulad ng mga kaarawan, ang iba naman ay ginamit na pansindi ng mga kandila sa kasalan at sa kung anu-ano pang masasayang pagdiriwang. Matagal ko nang iginuguhit sa aking isipan ang masayang araw kung kelan ako ay magagamit. Marahil bilang pagsindi sa isang bonfire na pinaliligiran ng mga masasayang bata, o di kaya’y sa binyag kung saan ako ay hawak ng mga ninang at ninong na tuwang-tuwa sa kanilang inaanak!

Naggambala ang aking paggunita ng isang aninong palapit sa kung saan ako ay nakapatong. Dahan-dahan niya akong pinulot at naglagay ng ilang barya sa kahon sa gilid. Ako ang napili ng babaeng umiiyak, ng malungkot na babaeng nais kong tulungan. Basa at malagkit ang kanyang mga kamay, marahil dahil sa pawis at luha na naghalo sa kanyang balat. Inilapit niya ako sa ibang mga kandilang may sindi at sa ilang sandali, naramdaman ko ang apoy na namumuo sa aking ulo. Sa isang iglap, lahat ng aking mga pangarap na magsilbing ilaw sa isang masayang araw ay lumuho. Sa halip, heto ako, mahigpit na hawak-hawak ng umiiyak na babaeng ito.

Malakas na ang sindi ng aking apoy at hindi ko mapigilan ang saya kahit hindi natupad ang aking pangarap. Sa tagal kong naghintay, sa wakas, ako ay nilapitan at hingakan! Tunay na ligaya ang masindihan at maramdaman ang init na nagmumula sa sariling apoy! Tiningnan ko muli ang mukha ng babae na hindi bumibitaw sa akin. Nais kong magpasalamat sa pamamagitan ng pagpapalakas ng aking apoy subalit napansin kong nakapikit siya at lumuluha muli. Tahimik ang buong simbahan ng ilang sandali hanggang sa dahan-dahan niyang binuksan ang kanyang bibig. Sa unang pagkakataon, narinig ko ang kanyang bulong.

“Mahal kong Panginoon, Kayo ang aking liwanag at pag-asa. Sa dami ng aking pinagdaraanan, hindi Niyo ako nilisan. O Maykapal, tuluyan Niyo akong gabayan at bigyang-lakas sa darating pang mga araw. Sana po ay palakasin Niyo ang katawan at loob ng aking asawa. Ilang araw na po siyang nilalagnat at hindi makapagtrabaho.

Hindi ko siya madala sa doktor dahil kapos kami sa pera. Ngunit alam ko pong malubha na ang kanyang kalagayan. Sabi niya, ibigay ko na lang po kay Junior ang maaaring magastos sa check-up. Nagsisimula na rin po kasi mag-aral ang bunso namin. Natatakot po ako, Ama ko. ‘Wag Niyo po muna kunin sa akin ang aking mahal na asawa. Pagalingin Niyo po siya. Nahihirapan po siya.”

“Tulungan Niyo rin po akong makahanap ng matinong trabaho. Alam ko naman pong hindi ako nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral. Ama, wala po kasi kaming makain. Hindi po sapat ang kinikita ko bilang labandera. Naaawa po ako sa aking mga anak.”

“Panginoon, maraming salamat din po sa mga biyayang ibinubuhos Mo sa amin kahit kami ay naghihirap. Salamat po at biniyayaan mo ako ng mga mababait at masisipag na mga anak. Hindi po nagreklamo si Nene nang pinatagil ko siyang mag-aral upang mamasukan muna bilang katulong para makapag-ipon. Napakasipag po niya kaya nga po sa isang buwan, makaka-graduate na ng high school si Nene. Salamat po at ginabayan Mo kami at napatapos ko ang aking anak. Minsan po kasi, naririnig ko po siyang umiiyak ‘pag gabi dahil wala raw gustong makipag-kaibigan sa isang katulong at anak ng labandera. Tulungan Niyo po akong mapalakas ang loob niya, pinapangako ko naman po na igagapang ko ang lahat, makatapos lang siya ng kolehiyo. ”

“Tulungan Niyo po ako Mahal kong Diyos. Nahuli ko po si Boboy na naninigarilyo sa kanto. Hindi ko po siya pinagalitan at natatakot po akong baka maglayas siya tulad ng dati nung nahuli ko siyang naglalasing at sinita naming siya ng kanyang itay. Pinatigil na rin po muna namin siya sa pag-aaral kaya nagtatrabaho siya bilang kargador sa palengke. Patnubayan Niyo po siya ng ilaw na gagabay sa kanya sa tamang landas. Ayoko pong matulad siya sa kanyang Kuya Jojo na namaalam na nang masaksak siya noong isang taon dahil nasangkot sa isang drug deal. Tulungan Niyo po ang aking anak na maliwanagan. ”

“Wala po akong sinisisi, Diyos ko. Ito ang natakda Niyong kapalaran sa akin, buong-puso ko pong tinatanggap. Panalangin ko lang po na bigyan Niyo ako ng lakas. Hindi ko maaaring ipakita sa aking pamilya ang lungkot at hirap na nararanasan ko. Kailangan ko pong maging malakas para sa kanila. Pasensya na po kayo dahil kayo lang ang malapitan ko, alam ko pong tutulungan Niyo ako. Pasensya rin po at ngayon lang ako nakapagsindi ng kandila. Ngayon lang po kasi ako nagkaroon ng sobrang barya mula sa aking sweldo subalit buong-puso ko pa rin pong inaalay sainyo ang aking mga dasal.”

Tumigil siya sa kanyang pagsasalita. Marahan niyang sinambit ang bawat salita sa gitna ng mga luha. Malumanay ang kanyang boses ngunit dinig na dinig ko at tumatak sa aking isip. Naramdaman ko ang aking sarili na umiiyak kasabay niya. Lumuluha ng pagkit ang aking buong katawan. Paubos na ako. Ang aking silyab ay unti-unting namamatay. Ang apoy at liwanag ay nagsisimulang maging usok. Lumulutang ako sa hangin, paakyat nang paakyat. Hindi ko na makita ang babaeng nagsindi sa akin, hindi ko na makita ang babaeng nais kong matulungan.

At sa sandaling iyon, batid na sa aking kaalaman ang aking silbi. Ako ang instrumento na magsisilbing taga-hatid ng dasal sa Diyos, ako ang kinatawan ng matinding pagmamahal ng isang kampeong ina. Ito ang misyon ko—mas maigi pa sa kahit anumang kaarawan o binyag na minsan ay pinangarap ko. Sa oras na maihatid ko ang dasal niya, walang katumbas ang ngiting maipipinta ko sa kaniya mukhang babad na sa luha.

Ilang sandali na lamang, kaunting tiis na lang, malapit na ako.

When the stars go blue

A clipping from the Literary Section of

Philippine Science High School’s Official School Paper: THE BICOL SCHOLAR

Inspired by a true story. ;)


Monday, July 19, 2010

Love Untold


Love Untold



by: Calypso



All I ever waited for-
your eyes glaring to my soul.
All I have always dreamed of-
your breath's scent making all thing turn bright.
All I aspired with my heart-
your kiss casting the doubts and shadows.
All I yearned to feel-
your hand intimately brushing against mine.
All I ever think of-
your image of me all this time.
All I looked forward to-
your heart finally beating for me.
All I need in this life-
your love encapsulating all of me.













My eyes would like to stare only at you,
but you may find it weird.
My breath wanted to be close to you,
but you may think I'm taking advantage.
My lips would like to touch yours,
but you are not yet mine.
My hands are eager to hold yours,
bUt you are not giving me any sign.
My mind always remembers you,
but you are so precious to lose.
My heart beats for you,
but you may say words I fear to hear.
My love is here for you,
but you may just sway me away.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

You Were Just a Dream

by Kiden

You were just a dream for me,
That's what I thought & assumed to be.
Because no matter how hard I try back then,
My feelings I can only tell with a paper & a pen.

You were just a dream for me.
All the pain I kept in my heart;
Wondering if you're too blind to see,
That in my life you played a great part.

Trying for the Nth time I say, "I love you."
I was hoping against hope when you said, "I love you too."
Then again you were just a dream for me
And as a dream you'll stay, as I continue my reality.

An eye for an eye

by Mr. Wordplay

With immeasurable rage seething through every inch of his body, with eyes blurred by anger yet focused on one direction, with every thump created by his footstep reverberating pure want for vengeance, this man approached and halted at the doorstep of one house, vigorously knocking at the door to the point that it would break and relentlessly calling out the father of the household.

Finally his voice is heeded. The person the angry Aeta was looking for reprimanded, “Why make all this ruckus!”

A brief moment of awkward and tensioned silence followed that seemed to last for an eternity. Putting all his effort to keep his composure and not break down to tears, the man replied in a firm and strong voice “Where is your son?”

The father sensing trouble asked in reply, “Why? What happened? What is your business with him? Now that you mentioned it, I haven’t seen him since this morning”.

“I want him dead.”

It seemed like the world stopped in that instant that the father heard those words. Must he have heard him wrong, he repeatedly asked himself. He wants his son dead, but why? Soon enough his head became the devil’s playground. It dawned to him the weight of the situation. This man wouldn’t come and make such a commotion to shame himself not unless...

An imagined wind chilled the father’s deepest core like one he never felt before. Numbness proliferated his entire body, cold sweats flowed from his forehead and his heart raced outlandishly.

The scene that followed was even more outlandish- the father bowed his head signalling submission to the gate crashers will. “I’ll look for him and deliver him to you”

The psychological torment was too much for him. He was just a child barely at puberty yet the burden he carried in him surpasses those well advanced in age. “Where do I go now?”, such a peculiar question to ask himself yet in that very question his very survival depended on. Utterly confused, like any child in his situation would be, he sought protection from persons he could trust the most- his relatives. What any other option does he have anyway? Well aware that he was now being hunted down and should his hunters track him down, he was as good as dead, he begged his uncle and auntie “Please, hide me, protect me I don’t want to die. I’m just a child. I’m innocent”. With reassuring faces, the two responded “Of course we will, we couldn’t let anything bad happen to you. You are our blood”. With that heartening reply, the child felt a huge yoke was lifted from him and that he was at the safest place he could possibly be. He made the right decision of not staying at home and confiding in his father for he felt that his father would even hand him to his trackers. He was not disappointed by his loving uncle and auntie who offered him the much needed refuge he sought.

Emotionally and psychologically in disarray, a tear fell from his eye which was soon followed by a river more. Still shaken from the flash of events that has transpired, his brain couldn’t just process at the pace at which the events are unfolding before him. He looked forward and he saw these old people wearing g-strings and soon realized that they are the well esteemed and respected elders their village Camias. He widened his gaze, looked around though his superfluously flowing tears hazed his vision, and saw the crowd of people circling him. Shortly, he recognized two familiar faces among the crowd as he tried to focus his vision even more, it was his uncle and aunt. Close by was what he quickly distinguished as his father who face was a straight as the way he stood, never moving a muscle. Finally, it struck him, in spite of his tortured psyche, the reason why he was crying from the very beginning. He was now at the first and most important tribal council he was involved in. The one that would decide his fate. His relatives not wanting to dip their fingers into trouble, gave him a false sense of security only to facilitate the betrayal of his trust. He was handed down to his would be killers just like that.

His clouded state of mind was alarmed by this voice roaring with righteous anger. He looks at the source of the voice. For a split second, he saw the bloody head of his playmate. Those eyes, that nose, those lips, that face- the man was an older replica of his friend. The man opened his lips to talk and like a jolt of lightning, silence suddenly devoured the landscape.

“Look at me boy”, the man started. How does it feel it to have the blood of my son staining your hands?!” he continued. But before he could continue his forceful speech, the boy whose hands were tied at his back squirmed uncontrollably and with a broken voice struggled to explain his side and convince others of his innocence.

“It was an accident! Believe me, I am not a killer. I could never kill someone. We were just playing and he slipped, knocked his head to a stone. I tried to wake him up but he did not respond. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid.”, the child repeatedly reasoned as he summoned up all his bravery to make the people understand him.

“Enough!” the dead child’s father retorted as his voice now crackled and seemed to break down. “I care not about your reasons, a life was taken from me, so should a life be given in return”.

He now turned to the elders and riposted “I could never see my son grow and have a family of his own. I could never even see him smile again. What pain it is to see your son’s lifeless body. His blood has turned the streams water red. I could hear him whisper, ‘father seek justice for my death’”.

The elders after convening decided that the rule of the Aeta should prevail.

An eye for an eye.

All the poor boy could do was to yell

“No! Father help me. Please have mercy on me.”

Pagbabalik ng Iyong Kahapon

isinulat ni Kiden

Unti-unti kong nararamdaman
Kailangan na kitang pakawalan.
Kahit tayo ang magkasama
Puso't-isip mo pa rin nasa kanya.

Kamay ko nga ba ang iyong nadarama
Sa tuwing hahawakan kita?
Labi ko nga ba ang iyong hinahalikan
Sa tuwing ika'y aking hahagkan?

Unti-unting nauubos ang oras ko;
Nagtataka kung kailang uli kayo magtatagpo.
O ano ang mga bagay na iyong gagawin
Kapag nagbalik na ang mga dating pagtingin.

Ngayon pa lang ako'y nasasaktan na;
Ngayon palang gusto ko nang lumuha.
Dahil alam kong ika'y sa aking mawawala,
Dahil alam kong ika'y dapat kong mapalaya.

When life runs out of chances

by baliw-na-payaso

You woke up one Friday morning
Felt like all your dreams were dying
Yesterday you failed your BAR exam
Today you lost your loving Mom

You looked up and asked God "Why?!"
All that you could do then was cry
Thought that life's meaning is gone
Tried to end all these with a gun

Maybe I came a little late
Was stung by your words full of hate
But I had no plans of giving up
'Cause I came to save you from this crap

Love, your life's meaning is not gone
But a new chapter just began
Don't be paralyzed by the pain
Move on, stand up, and start again

Don't be afraid to try once more
'Cause there are things worth living for
In life, you fail, get hurt, and grieve
Yet you learn, you hope, and still believe

And when life runs out of chances
And nothing's left but bruises
When nothing seems right in this world
You'd still have my hand to hold

Monday, July 12, 2010

Pogi

by Kenn Miranda


July 14, 1993. A baby boy was born at a city hospital. The boy was the first child of newlywed couple. The father was very excited; he already finished the room for the baby - complete with wall papers, carpets, pillows, and a big crib for their healthy baby. The mother was very happy; even though it is her first child and know little in parenting.

“Ang pogi naman ng anak natin..” the mom sighed.

“Siyempre naman! Mana kaya sa akin yan!!” the father exclaimed with full pride.

The family went through life as other families do - problems and little misunderstandings every now and then. It cannot be helped. Still, almost every day was filled with smiles. A happy baby boy was growing up. Birthdays were always celebrated. Every year it was a new toy for the child… and a big colorful cake and a number-candle for the celebrant. It was all the parents could do for their kind child. And that went without contestation.

December 23, 1999. The baby boy was now six years old. Next year shall be the time when he enters the first grade. In two days shall be his seventh Christmas. What new toy would he receive? He hoped that it was the huge Gundam robot they saw a couple of days ago.

Later that day, the family went to the hospital. The boy had not been fine for some time now, and the parents wanted to know why. The boy was diagnosed with a Stage-3 cancer, and required immediate treatment…

“Doc, kahit anong kailangan gawin, kahit magkano gawin niyo…” the father cried to the doctor.

“Oo naman tay, gagawin nating lahat para sa pogi ninyong anak.” the doctor somewhat said in a reassuring tone.

The child could not know the whole situation and can only feel the warmth of his mother’s arms and tears as she hugged him at the clinic of the doctor.

April 6, 2000. It was the third cycle for the boy’s chemotherapy. The boy was confined on the same room he had since the first cycle. The boy had been admitted since February, since the doctor said that it was best for the child. The boy already lost his hair due to the treatment. He had no appetite. He was rather thin. And he had trouble going to the bathroom. He was fed through a tube placed inside his mouth. He had dextrose, and a bunch of apparatuses to help the boy.

“Ma?? Kailangan ba talaga etong mga ito? Ang ingay nung tunog eh…” the boy inquired.

“Oo anak eh, tiisin mo lang ng onti para gumaling ka na agad… tas uuwi na tayo at gagala… bibili tayo ng bagong laruan,,,” The mom answered so caringly and sensitively to their child.

“Ang daya… pero ayos lang, pogi pa din naman aq, di ba mami?” the child asked with a smile.

The parents could not know how to respond. The mom cried. The father approached the boy and said:

“Siyempre naman! Anak ata kita!” - with a tone of faked high-spirit as if the boy was not sick at all.

June 25, 2000. The boy died at the age of six. It was difficult for the parents for they did not simple lose a wonderful child. But it was lost that they tried so desperately to avoid…

On the day of the burial, everyone they knew attended. Everyone wanted to give support to the parents. But the parents preferred that they attend with the intention of celebrating the life of their baby boy. The parents did not need sympathy, for as long as they were concerned, their baby boy no longer experienced pain, and sleep well without the loud noises of the machines…

Their baby boy was buried with a tombstone specially requested by the parents… it read:

July 14, 1993 - June 25, 2000

Ang pinaka-pogi sa lahat!

Letter Sent

by Kenn Miranda


I remember the time when you asked to spend the whole day with me. I did not go to school then. We went to the park at around nine in the morning. I still have the wound I got from falling from the slide. You were really heavy when I pushed you at the swings…

We had lunch at our favorite place. You even ordered two extra servings of rice. When was our first meal there? I don’t remember… and we didn’t even receive a discount even after eating there for a hundred times… next time, I choose our favorite place to eat. The, we went to see a movie. Well, you went to see a movie, I simply accompanied you… I wanted to go bowling. It was a love story… I don’t like love stories, they always end up happy no matter what happens.

After the movie, we went to the beach. It was something you wanted to do since we were together. I guess I had fun too, if it wasn’t for us forgetting to bring extra clothes. At around seven in the evening we were still sitting by the shore. I gave you a necklace, one with a star charm. I even made you promise to not go anywhere. And I guess it was also the first time I said that I loved you…

By that time, I already knew you were sick. That you were diagnosed with a disease that erases your memories one by one… that is why I wanted to make this day special - even though you might not remember it at all. I just wanted to be able to say that we spent an awesome day together… and you had fun.

You said you were scared. You did not want to forget.

Still, I hated you for breaking your promise. I told you not to go anywhere. It’s unfair that, from where you are now, you can see me every day.

I hate that this is all I could do. But hopefully as this letter travels as a folded airplane, you would remember, again and again, how beautiful you are. As this letter goes by the wind, I hope you would never forget the day that I tried my best to force myself into your memory… so deep that even as you forget everything, I can stay. I’ll make you remember. I’ll make you not forget… even if I have to make thousands of paper airplanes…

With this letter, I am giving you a part of your memory. How I wish that giving you this means me forgetting it. I hope that I get sick with the same disease… it would be much easier…

I now hate watching love stories more than before…. Cause I kept wishing that the ending I once hated is now mine…

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Until there's no more him

by baliw-na-payaso

It continues to break my heart
To admit that we're now apart
Oh baby it should have been us
Now I'm just a part of your past

Funny how you blamed destiny
Right love but wrong time, you told me
Why on heavens did you not see?
It's my hand where yours fit perfectly

Friends told me you have someone new
It kills me but what could I do?
Does he love you more than I do?
'Cause baby my love's always true

I stand here crushed and all alone
I breathe the pain the wind has blown
Baby, I miss your tender kiss
Life feels like shit, I can't bear this

Baby I shall wait here in vain
Until you love me once again
I'll be here 'til there's no more him
'til once more, I'm the man you dream

Friday, July 9, 2010

Grandfather paradox

isinulat ni piniritong gulay

Have you ever wanted to travel back in time
Imagine what things were now that they're past their prime?
Have you ever wanted to travel back in time
Even hallucinating that time goes back with each ring of a chime?

Suppose that the genius you (or me)
Makes it possible the existence of a time machine
And due to things (un)controlled by you (or me)
Brings us back to the time before your grandpa had his mini me's (okay, his)

For some weird reason you went on a killing spree
Thinking that because this is not your time you are free
I don't know but maybe you were under the influence of some amphetamine
You killed your grandfather who's havin' some of his nappin'

Questions arise, you think you cannot even surmise
Would you still exist if you happen to go back to the real time?
Killing your grandpa without him having your daddy
Would invalidate your existence since how would you trace your family history?

However, if you successfully go back to your time
Undamaged, unharmed, and all of those other synonyms
That just means your grandpere continued to exist
Despite you killing him when you supposedly saw him when he was say, 16

Put it simply, to travel back in time would have been impossible
For how can you go back in time if you have not existed at all?
Or how can you go back in time if what you supposedly have done
Did not have impacts to the time where you were from?

Scientists, wanting to prove the possibility of time travel
Used Murphy's Law, Ripples Effect and multiple universes, even
But since this time travelling thing's making my mind go dizzy
Let's discuss that next time (in another universe?), shall we?

Iris

by DM Gambe

Because of the need to look for a very important object needed for his research which was no longer existent in his time, Konstantin Nilert, a novice time traveller had decided to go to the island of Portebuque in a country called Caristii, the only place where that “thing” existed. Apparently, the country was ravaged by invaders from its neighbouring country, Varduli. Searching all history books, he managed to note a single day when both warring countries decided on a ceasefire—June 30, 1943. So after preparing all the requirements for the ritual, he managed to reach the country.

Though he was successful in “travelling” from 2176, the year where Konstantin existed, to Portebuque Island, Caristii in 1943, there was something wrong in his process of “travel” and he was held back a day before the actual ceasefire. In other words, he was caught in the middle of a battlefield. He could see tanks, artilleries, bombs, fire, burnt houses, and dead people. He could smell sulphur and almost everywhere, there’s nothing to see but smoke.

As he walked around the area in search for a refuge, an encounter took place. He hid himself behind what seemed like a burnt house but he was not safe. Well, he knew he wasn’t. Fortunately, as he was hiding behind a collapsing wall, a girl whom he thought came out of nowhere grabbed his arm and escaped the battlefield. They ran nonstop deeper into the forest just behind the burnt house, making sure the army men would no longer see them. Then they stopped. And they rested.

The girl was a native of Caristii and she was Zenouska Ferner. Konstantin was so thankful to her because she saved his life. At first, Zenouska was suspicious of Konstantin, thinking that he was a spy of the Varduli invading army or some sort of the like. But when she knew Konstantin was just a complete stranger to the place, she herself offered her house to be Konstantin’s temporary shelter.

Zenouska’s house was located in the middle of the forest, a few meters away from where they rested a while ago. There, they were welcomed by Zenouska’s mother who was frantically waving at them, worried that her child would already end her demise while looking for food. Zenouska introduced Konstantin to her and explained his situation. Luckily, the mother was really hospitable she did not hesitate to allow Konstantin to stay with them.

As he stayed with Zenouska, he learned how the two were keeping themselves alive in the middle of the chaos. He felt like they really went back to primitive days when he would help Zenouska hunt down rabbits and other wild animals which they can bring home for lunch and dinner. They even have their own garden where they would plant potatoes and other vegetables which they can use to cook hot soups during cold nights. And in case of emergencies like when a group of Varduli soldiers would discover their place, they would hide underground which amazingly only Zenouska and her mother built.
Konstantin was already enjoying his stay with Zenouska and her mother. Well, the truth is, he felt he was already at home. And he was starting to like Zenouska’s jolly and cheerful company, who never failed to smile despite the existence of war in her country.

However, Konstantin was no longer mindful of the rule that a time traveller could only stay in a period in the past or the future for only 14 days. It was only in his sixteenth day when he realized he was already “overstaying.”

That same day, Caristii military officers reached their house. They said they were looking for men of 18 years of age and above. They were being hired for the military as part of the mandatory conscription in times of war. Konstantin was hesitant at first but Zenouska told him that everything would be okay. Konstantin, who was considered by the military officers as part of the Ferner household, was forced to leave Zenouska and her mother and enter the military.
Days passed and Konstantin was already in his twenty-third day in Portebuque. While he stayed in the barracks for training, he and Zenouska would exchange letters every other day, making sure both of them are fine and doing well. Until one morning, as he was expecting a reply from Zenouska, no letter came for him. He waited the next day and still nothing came. It was only in his twenty-sixth day of “overstaying” when a letter came for him, this time not from Zenouska but from her mother. He learned that Zenouska was brought to the city hospital and was diagnosed to have a terrible sickness.

Worried, Konstantin immediately asked his immediate superior if he can visit the city once in a while and see his sick “sister” confined in the city hospital. He could not understand if he was just too blessed he had a very nice immediate superior or that he was just simply lucky. He was allowed to leave the barracks twice a week at night to visit Zenouska.

Zenouska was pale and bed-ridden. But she would still smile whenever Konstantin would visit her and bring her flowers and fruits. Though she was having a hard time to speak, she would still try to talk and tell Konstantin stories. Yet Zenouska’s health was not improving. In fact, as days passed by, her condition would get worse.

Konstantin reached his thirty-second night of “overstaying” in Portebuque. He just came back from his hospital visit and was half asleep inside his quarters when he heard somebody calling his name. He looked at the window and somebody was standing behind the curtains.
He thought his co-trainees inside the barracks were playing pranks on him. He immediately took his flashlight and pointed it at the person on the window. He was shocked to see a familiar guy staring at him like a ghost. It was Conrad. Conrad Steenderen, his best friend.

Konstantin was happy. He felt like he was home when he saw Conrad. However, Conrad was not smiling. Without hesitation, he frankly said to Konstantin, “Konstantin, I’m under orders from the Council to bring you back to the year 2176. You have already reached your 14-day limit and went beyond the 2-day grace period.”

But Konstantin wavered. He did not want to go. He missed his home—his original home 233 years from the period where they were at the moment. But he felt like he must stay in this period.
Conrad opposed. He insisted Konstantin going back.

“I won’t go back.” Konstantin said firmly, looking at Conrad straight in the eyes.
“Konstantin! You must go back!” Conrad exclaimed in reply.
“I won’t! I’m staying here and that’s my decision!”
“No you can’t! You don’t know the rules…you cannot…”
The word “rules” took Konstantin’s attention.
“What do you mean, ‘rules’?” he asked.

Conrad sighed. He looked at Konstantin with pity as if Konstantin’s in a desperate condition, and explained.

“You know the rules of existence. A time traveller can stay in a period in the past or present for only 14 days. You are given two more extra days as ‘grace periods’ to leave. And you know that there is a consequence if you disobey this rule.”

Konstantin nodded and said, “Yes. And that consequence is something I have to face when I get back to our time.” To his surprise, Conrad said, “You’re partly right but…the truth is the consequence happens as you overstay in the period where you have travelled.”

Konstantin was shocked. He began to get disturbed with what Conrad was telling him.

“In every travel that we do,” Conrad continued, “there is collateral to create a space for our existence in that period. And that collateral is good only for 14-16 days. When we reach our limit, it returns to that period and continues its existence until it reaches its ‘death’. However, when you overstay, your existence in this period goes beyond the limit of the total matter in space. And with that, a certain matter within this period loses a part of its total time of existence to create enough space for the existence of the time traveller and to maintain the balance of things.”

Konstantin could not fully understand what Conrad was trying to say but he can feel there’s something he did not want to hear.

“The payment is relative to the length of overstaying. You have been here for thirty-two days, overstaying for eighteen days. Unfortunately, the Time Council, the highest ultimate body governing us, time travellers, as well as the one who have the sole power to choose which will lose its existence as payment for a time traveller’s overstaying, has chosen…” Conrad paused. He looked at Konstantin who already had the feeling what Conrad would eventually say, “…Zenouska’s existence as compensation for your violation.”

Then the alarm rang loudly around the barracks. Every room’s siren began to make noise. And speakers along corridors would say “Red Alert! Red Alert! The city is under attack! The city is under attack!”
Konstantin, who was still in a state of shock, despite the warnings of speakers and loud alarms of sirens, was still staring at Conrad.

“What are you gonna do now, Konstantin?” Conrad asked.
He did not know what to do, to be honest. His body was moving on itself but he felt he was unconscious. He was not focused. He went outside his quarters as he walked slowly, leaving Conrad. Before he closed the door, he heard Conrad saying, “I have done my part. It’s up to you now, Konstantin.” And the door shut. Running panicky soldiers would knock him down as he stride down the alley slowly but he would not care.

He was caught by his immediate superior and was scolded for being too slow yet he did not really bother. Then the image of Zenouska and her mother flashed in his mind. It was this time when he thought, “I must save them.” He woke up and ran. He immediately wore his uniform, took his helmet and grabbed a rifle from the racks. He joined the line of men outside who were also in full armour gear. In his peripheral view, he can see Conrad staring at him and in a few moments, twirled and vanished.

The Caristii pushed towards the city but on their way to the city, a few kilometres away from the city gates, they had an encounter with a throng of Varduli men. This delayed their push towards the city. As they were fighting, everyone was shocked when they heard planes coming from the west and dropping bombs all over the city. The Varduli soldiers cheered in joy. Konstantin tried his best to shoot every Varduli he could see. All Caristii men tried. And they managed to finish off the final breathing Varduli in front of the city gates. When their troops had reached the city, they were reduced to almost half and what they saw was a city in ruins—a crying city on fire. A city dying as every structure was engulfed by large flames.

Konstantin left his troops and looked for the hospital where Zenouska died. He ran as fast as he could and when he managed to reach it, he was blown by what he saw. The hospital building’s other half had collapsed. The other half was on fire. Wounded patients, doctors, nurses, and other people were running from the burning hospital. Others were crawling while he could see others who were already dead. He shouted Zenouska’s name. He was searching for her but there were just too many people in the dying crowd he could not really find her. A few bombs were dropped on the other side of the city which shook the ground and made the crowd cry in fear. But Konstantin never stopped. He continued searching for Zenouska and her mother until he reached the far end of the hospital.

There he saw Zenouska crawling helplessly away from the collapsed part of the hospital. He ran towards her immediately and put her on his lap. He asked where her mother was but she did not reply and instead looked at the rubble. Konstantin was already crying. Zenouska slowly reached for his face. Konstantin took it and put in on his cheeks. Zenouska, though she was crying and was really weak, tried her best to smile. Then she slowly closed his eyes and her hands slipped from Konstantin’s grasps.
Konstantin was waking her up but Zenouska would not budge. He was crying her name out loud but all he could see was the smiling face of Zenouska—nothing else. She would not move. She would not speak. She would not open her eyes. Soon, he heard gunshots followed by crying and screaming men, women and children. Another throng of Varduli men had entered the city.

He slowly laid down the ground Zenouska’s body. Konstantin was outraged. He took his gun at once and shot every Varduli soldier he could see. He was screaming as he would shot in the head every Varduli soldier. But of course, one could never withstand a hundred enemies. He was about to hit his fifth casualty when he was shot on the arm. This made him reflexively pull the trigger and it went straight to one of the Varduli soldier’s head. He pulled the trigger again but it missed. Then Konstantin felt a bullet just pierced through his shoulder and another followed which pricked through his thighs. He fell on his knees. Despite the pain and too much blood loss, he was still trying to aim his gun at Varduli soldiers. But he was already too weak to pull the trigger.

Three consecutive gunshots came. All entered his chest. Then he felt numb. He knew he was falling but he started to feel nothing. He turned his head to see the smiling face of Zenouska. His eyes were closing and as his body dropped to the ground, he smiled. A tear trickled down his eye before they close shut. He was dead.

A few hours after, the city, which was already in ruins, became silent. Smoke from burning houses and buildings covered the raining skies. Nobody was inside the city. All you can see were rubbles, debris, and dead bodies covered in their own blood all over the place. The battle has finished. Caristii soldiers regained the city.

Then a young man walked past the destroyed hospital. Unhurriedly, he went straight towards Konstantin’s body. He knelt before him and looked at his face. He was staring at him for a few seconds before he carried his body. He walked away down the hazy cobblestone roads silently until the smoke covered him until he was out of sight.

The clouds moved away and the sun shone on the devastated city. The rain clouds were gone and as the golden rays touched Zenouska’s face, her cheeks were no longer pale. And slowly...she opened her eyes.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Wishing on a Blue Moon

by Kenn Miranda

When you see a falling a star,
Certain times of your life seem to pass by;
When persons were introduced and
Events happened;
Your first day at school, your first love, the last time you went to the mall,
Your friends during high school, the first movie you watched,
The things you received on your birthday, the teacher you hated the most,
Your first pet, the playgrounds, the pool, your house.
And then see that every now and then,
You have experienced happiness
Well-worth letting others have the wish.

Then before another star decides to grant somebody’s wish,
You will experience a farewell,
And desire so desperately to avoid it,
That by the time you again see a falling star,
You can only wish for a thousand more.
Farewell that is as if,
You desire to heal a person with an incurable disease,
Afraid to die – a person that you loved;
That would have been enough to force you
To blame God for everything.

Once every blue moon,
Your heart stores memories too precious
For your mind.
And on the moment you decide to take hold of it,
Is the very time you start to hate your heart -
For it knowing which to embrace.

Once in a blue moon,
A person cries,
And have tears that would not stop –
Because life turned out to be everything
Stored by the heart.
Forcing you to raise your head, trying to
Push them back into your heart
For you to clearly see the;
Dark sky, the falling stars, and -
Why these things happen
Once in - a blue moon.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan

isinulat ni: baliw-na-payaso

Pwede dito ka na lang muna? Wag ka umalis, dito ka lang


Paulit ulit. Parang sirang plaka. Halos mabaliw baliw ako habang nakaupo ako sa jeep at nilalanghap ang usok na hatid ng yosi ni Manong Driver.

Umaga noon at sobrang nagmamadali na ako dahil mahuhuli na ko para sa date ko. Tataltalan na naman ako ni Desiree pag nauna na naman syang dumating sa lugar ng aming tagpuan. Ang totoo nga’y nagwisik wisik na lamang ako imbes na maligo at nagmumog na lamang imbes na magsepilyo pa. Muntik ko pa ngang malimutan na nakatapis pa lang pala ako ng tuwalya at hindi pa nakakapagsuot ng pantalon. Matapos ang ilang segundo ay nasa harapan na ko ng gate ng aming bahay at handang handa ng mag-walkathon patungo sa aming tagpuan.

“Ay paksh*t! Naka lock pa pala ‘tong gate. Lola! Asan nga ho yung susi?”

“Oh, Vince san ka ba pupunta?”

“May lakad ho kami ni Desiree.”

“Ah ganon ba? Andoon sa loob ang susi, sa ibabaw ng mesa.”

Pumasok muli ako sa bahay para kunin ang mahiwagang susi at nang maka diretso na sa Sogo – ang tagpuan namin ng giliw kong si Desiree. Paglabas ko’y saglit kong minasdan si Lola na noong mga oras na yun ay nakaupo sa kanyang tomba-tomba. Gaya ng dati, parang napakakalma nya – parang buong puso nyang niyayakap lahat ng ingay ng mundo. Pero parang may kakaiba sa kanya, hindi ko lamang matukoy kung ano.

“Sige ho ‘la, alis na ko.”

Hindi ko na pinansin ang sagot ni lola at halos maglulundag na ko paalis ng bahay. Sabik na sabik na kong matikman muli ang seksing seksing katawan ni Desiree. Habang papalapit ako ng papalapit sa aming tagpuan ay unti unti nang naguumapaw ang aking libog.

Ilang sandali pa’y nangyari na nga ang dapat mangyari. Laman sa laman, pawisan kung pawisan. Ramdam ko ang pagod ngunit mas nangibabaw ang sarap. Halos isang oras rin kaming nagniig. Uumang pa sana ako para dugtungan ang aming pagroromansa nang biglang nagring ang aking cellphone.

“Pusanggala.” Pabulong kong nasambit sa sarili. Dali kong pinatay ang aking telepono upang mawala ang istorbo.

Halos mabaliw baliw ako habang nakaupo ako sa jeep at nilalanghap ang usok na hatid ng yosi ni Manong Driver. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko, nanginginig ang kalamnan ko. Paulit ulit kong iniisip ang mga nangyari noong umagang yun. Biglang umulan, mahina lang noong una tapos ay lumakas ng lumakas. Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko, maya maya pa’y may namuo ng luha sa mga mata ako. Hindi na kinaya ng konsensya ko.

Sa gitna ng malakas na ulan, pinagmamasdan ko si Lola. Gaya ng dati, parang napakakalma nya – parang buong puso nyang niyayakap lahat ng ingay ng mundo. Pero may kakaiba sa kanya. Sa sandaling to ay alam ko na kung ano.

“Pwede dito ka na lang muna? Wag ka umalis, dito ka lang…”

Ang mga salitang ito ang huli kong narinig sa Lola ko. Narinig ngunit hindi pinansin. Narinig ngunit pinangibabawan ng libog. Narinig at binalewala.

Kung kaya ko lamang ibalik ang panahon, gagawin ko kahit ano pa man ang kapalit. Pero hindi pwede. Ibigay ko man lahat lahat ng meron ako kapalit ng kahit isang minuto man lang na kasama si Lola, imposible ng mangyari pa.